Sucking Off A Grizzly

Everyone knows that I’m probably the Worlds Biggest Pervert*. I’ve skipped school to watch cute guys at the bus interchange. I’ve spent five hours awake on a plane, watching two gorgeous Welsh guys get progressively drunker, in the almost-hope that they would make out because I could. I am committed to my objectification of pretty men. And this has led me to this series of posts, called Men to Objectify.

Let’s start with Bear Grylls. Because his name seems appropriate to the title of the site.

Bear Grylls. Looking dirrrtty.

Bear (hee-hee-hee) is the presenter of a show called Man Vs. Wild. In the show, he goes around and puts himself in the most inhospitable places ever, and shows you how to survive. Sounds like a good show, right?

NO. It’s an AMAZING show. Really. He seems to eat everything he can find (in the episode I was watching tonight, he went through a scorpion, a lizard, a spider, lots of other stuff I can’t remember too), takes his shirt off a lot, and speaks like he should be a reporter for the BBC. I can see it now…

This is Bear Grylls, reporting from Kandahar, Afghanistan...

But that’s not the only reason to objectify him. Apart from hosting the lamest doucheiest best show in the world, he does work for charities, used to be in the SAS, and has climbed Everest. If this is a man not worthy of being objectified, then frankly I don’t know who is.

Part of me wants Bear Grylls to become my generations Chuck Norris. Y’know: Bear Grylls doesn’t sleep. He waits. Oh, wait. Chuck Norris is the Chuck Norris of our generation? Fuck. Oh well. Another picture?

Mmm. I wouldn't mind - no. I'm not even going NEAR that joke...

Oh, and of course, here’s the obligatory Shirtless Bear Grylls picture.

Mmmmmm... Bear Grylls... Shirtless...

*No, seriously, if there was an award for it, I would win. Hands down. The above post is reason enough.